Bigamist Page 8

  “Hello, Amy.”

  “Hey, Rose,” I responded, standing in my kitchen. “Is this a good time?”

  “Yes, sure. I’m headed to the cafeteria. What can I do for you?”

  “I understand the body’s been released to you.” I opened the refrigerator and removed a jug of orange juice. The kids were still home, and I had prepared breakfast, waiting on them to get out of bed. They would be heading back to school, so it was my last chance to cook for them.

  “I don’t know where you got that from—it isn’t true.”

  I didn’t think it was true, but I wanted to test the waters since I had no idea what was taking so long. I had made many calls to the coroner but not finding out a damn thing. I could hear her breathing heavily.

  “Well, the body’s been released, right?” I asked her, thinking she definitely knew more than I did.

  “Honestly, I have no idea. But, if so, I would imagine he would be coming to you.”

  “That’s what I was thinking but it’s taken so long that I thought maybe you, being well-connected and all, maybe intercepted.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah…”

  “It doesn’t work that way—or, at least not with me. I’m sure you’ll hear something soon—I mean, you’ve already had your memorial service so…”

  “Yes, but I’d still like to bury my husband.” I didn’t try hard enough not to sound pissed. “Our children need closure.”

  Rose was silent for a moment.

  I had an incoming call and Coach Wagner’s name showed on the screen. I ignored the call and continued.

  I cleared my throat and adjusted my octave and tone. “Are you there?”

  “Amy, look… I’m sure that like the rest of us, you can’t do anything with your insurance policies until there’s a death certificate presented—I get that. But, before any of us, you’ll be the first to get any information—”

  “Sorry I raised my voice. I’m just so stressed—it’s been so hard.”

  “For all of us…” her voice remained even keeled.

  “And have you seen Iris all over the place, running her mouth?”

  “No, I haven’t had time to follow what’s going on outside of this hospital.”

  “I have—and that girl is turning this whole thing into a circus. She won’t let it die down. She just keeps running her damn mouth. You saw how she was at the hospital that day.”

  Again, Rose was silent.

  I poured OJ in four juice glasses and turned on the coffee maker. I exhaled loudly. “Look, I’m sorry. How are you doing? I mean, I know this is hard for all of us—even her. I mean—I can’t believe Ricky screwed us over like this. How did we not see it?”

  “We loved him, that’s how.”

  “I didn’t know because I refused to see… because believe me, I’ve known for a long time what he was capable of.”

  “Actually, I had become suspicious. That’s the reason I was initially trying to contact you—to find out if you two were divorced. I had assumed it for years—I mean, I can’t actually say I heard him use the word. I think he may have used the term, ‘split up’ or something like that. I’ve been thinking back, racking my brain trying to remember and I just can’t,” her voice cracked a little.

  I resisted. I didn’t want to feel for anyone else’s pain but the kids and mine—no one who came after me, anyway. I was first.

  Rose cleared her throat and said, “At least you and I don’t have small children to worry about. You know…”

  “Yeah, I hear you… I still wish she’d exercise some decorum. I mean, come on. This is already feeling like a James Brown situation, taking forever to decide who has the right to bury Ricky.”

  “Well, if I hear anything on—Rick—the release of the body, I’ll let you know,” she finally said. “And I’d appreciate you doing the same—I mean, I’d like to be there when you bury him, if you don’t mind.”

  “Sure, I’ll let you know.”

  “And it’s only fair that Iris be there—the three of us. The whole thing is strange but if you and I are honest, Rick had a life with her just as he had one with both of us. And he started a life with her in recent years so… obviously he wanted to be with her—having babies…” Rose’s voice slowed into a whisper. “She should be there, too.”

  We ended our call and I wondered if I would actually let Rose know when I laid Ricky to rest. I damn sure wasn’t telling Iris anything.

  16

  Rose

  None of us deserved it.

  I saw patients, performed surgeries, and handled other hospital business sixteen to eighteen hours per day while I tried sleeping the remainder of those hours. And most of the time that sleep took place at the hospital, which was easier than it would be at home. I missed Rick terribly and enjoying my time at our home just didn’t happen anymore. I hoped one day that would change.

  In the meantime, I had practically moved into my office and the on-call room, sharing space with other surgeons; sleeping, showering, and dressing there. I knew I wouldn’t do that forever, but it was comforting. It was a safe place where I could actually get sleep even if it was only a small amount.

  After speaking to Amy, my emotions were all over the place. I wanted to believe that we were all victims of Rick’s selfishness and I wanted to disregard any feelings of jealousy I had of Amy and Iris. Knowing that each of them had children to cling to and remember Rick by. They each had pieces of him and I had nothing. I couldn’t even call myself a legitimate widow.

  I kept pictures of Rick and I on my desk in the office, but I wondered how long I would leave them there. Most of them came from his office once I cleaned it out. There were vacation photos of us on the beach or on a cruise and the two of us at formal events at different times. Not many people came to my office so the shame of me sharing a life with a man that I thought was my husband, for now, was mine alone.

  Going through his things was painful but I wanted to do it before Amy or anyone else had. I assumed it wasn’t on her radar or she certainly would’ve done it. All of this was embarrassing but my love for Rick was bigger than the shame he left me with.

  I sat at my desk in front of my computer. I hadn’t turned it on since the day before Rick died and knew I would be overwhelmed with email messages that I wasn’t quite ready to make my way through. I opened my account and responded to or deleted one after another, taking me back to the date of Rick’s last day when I came to an email from him. I had completely forgotten about the American Medical Award we were up for when I saw the email he’d forwarded to me.

  Rick had responded to the awards committee, answering questions about the patent on our device and phone app for cardiology patients. We were being considered for the Scientific Award focusing on modern technology. He addressed everything, including both of our names and contact information.

  I took a moment to download all of the forms just as he’d asked me to in the email. Rick instructed me to keep them all in a safe place. Where I may not have done so right away before, with him gone, I was ever so careful. It was my final piece of him—of us. I knew it was nothing in a practical sense, but it was everything to me. Rick and I didn’t just love each other; we loved our work together. So, I clung to the memories of how we would come together, solving problems for our patients.

  I printed the papers—there were twelve sheets—placed them in a large envelope, labeled it, and set it next to my purse, ready to go to the bank to be placed in my safety deposit box. The papers weren’t really worth all that trouble, but I wanted to treat them as though they were.

  I was still so engrossed in clearing away old email messages from my inbox that I didn’t hear the knock at the door. But when the door opened, I snapped back to reality.

  “Sorry to intrude, Rose. Do you have a moment?” Dr. Patel stood in the doorway.

  “Sure, Salem… Please, come in.”

  I watched him step into the room and close the door.

  He stood in
front of my desk and made contact with me over the clutter on my desk. “I have a bit of news for you—I figured it couldn’t wait.”

  “Okay, what is it?”

  “There’s been a decision—I heard. I wanted you to know and not have to wait on them to contact you.”

  “Rick’s body?”

  “Yes, he’s being released to Amy Hart—I’m assuming his first wife.”

  I let out a breath and leaned back in my chair. “Yes.” I expected it but clearly I was hopeful things had turned out differently.

  “She’s probably getting a call as we speak. She can have the body moved to her chosen mortuary as soon as today.”

  “Okay… thanks for letting me know.”

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “I expected it.”

  “I’m so sorry that Rick left you in this position. You don’t deserve it, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

  Tears burned my eyes. I had cried a little but not nearly as much as one would think I had. I sniffed and blinked several times, hoping that would rid me of the inevitable tears.

  “None of us deserved it.”

  “Maybe not but you’re the only one I know and the only one I know for sure that he loved.”

  “Yes, well, obviously he loved them, too.”

  “Well… maybe…” He was stark still. “Please, let me know if I can do anything for you.” He ran his hand through his thick dark head of hair, backed up to the door, closing it behind him.

  17

  Iris

  Goodbye, my love…

  The house was full of people—well, not full but there were plenty of them there offering me support. Everyday there was someone new, but Marigold rarely left my side. Aside from her, there was my publicist and his assistant, a couple of neighbors, and Rasheeda and Garlis from the Mocha Mom’s group I belonged to.

  I thought after the memorial service the crowds would dissipate, and it did some, but many people lingered. It was nice to have their support even though all I really wanted was time to be alone with my babies.

  “Get these people out of here,” my mother stood over my shoulder whispering in my ear. “You’re gonna be late.”

  I turned to find her staring me in the eye.

  “If you won’t do it, I will.”

  “Iris,” Sam called from across the room as he made his way in my direction. “We just got a call from the Wendy Williams Show for an appearance.”

  “The attorney said we couldn’t do anything like that until the estate is settled.”

  “I know… But how about if Ms. Baldwin prepares the questions? We could at least ask her—this could be the break your career has been waiting for. I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances but—”

  “No, you’re not,” my mother spoke up. She turned back to me and said, “God don’t like this, Iris.”

  I understood where she was coming from even though I was getting some satisfaction in the false support their presence seemed to lend.

  “It’s time for everyone to go. Iris and the kids need rest and they just can’t do it with a house full of people.” She waved her arms in the air.

  The living and dining area grew quiet. I got up on my feet and stood between the two large rooms. “I really do need to rest, you guys.” I pulled my hair up and placed it in the ponytail holder I had in the pocket of my jeans.

  “So, is that a yes or a no?” Sam asked just as his cell phone buzzed. He took a look at the screen, and then back to me. “We’ll get you on a plane to New York day after tomorrow—”

  “Marion, I’ve got this.” Marigold winked at my mother and stepped up behind Sam. “I’ll let you know Iris’s decision by close of business.” She took him by the arm, guiding him back to the living area. “Let’s give Iris some time to rest, you guys.”

  I could hear my mother exhale and apparently so could everyone else because all eyes were on her. Soon after, I watched as they all gathered their belongings and moved toward the back door.

  Once the house was clear and quiet, Marigold spoke up, “You have two hours to get dressed and get there and it’s an hour drive.”

  “Do you want me to go?” my mother asked.

  “No, we agreed that it would only be us—no children or anyone. I have to keep my word.”

  “I’ll drive you though,” Marigold insisted.

  “That’s fine but you’ll have to wait in the car.”

  “That’s cool—I just don’t want you going alone.” Marigold added, “You’d better get dressed.”

  Two and a half hours later, Marigold steered my Range Rover onto the grounds of the cemetery. We circled a few minutes before finding the spot where Erick would be laid to rest. Rose had called me the night before and told me the plan. Once Amy had the body released to her, she initially was going to secretly bury Erick but decided to honor Rose’s request to be present when it happened. I’m still unclear on how I ended up with an invite. But, in order to come, I had to agree to be alone and to keep my mouth shut so the media wouldn’t get wind of it.

  I wasn’t happy that Erick had been released to Amy. I was told that it was to expedite his burial that the judge ordered him returned to her, but it wouldn’t have any bearing on the final court case deciding which of us was the legitimate and rightful wife. I wasn’t worried about that.

  I left Marigold sitting in the car and made my way across plush green grass, passing headstones and tombstones with every step. I was thirty minutes late and Amy and Rose hadn’t waited for me to get started. They were standing in front of the casket when I stumbled close to them. My adrenaline was at an all-time high and it seemed with each step, my heels sunk into the soft ground, causing my ankles to twist and bend.

  Both women turned back towards me. Amy held an expression of disgust while Rose gave a slight smile.

  “Hey, you made it.” Rose stepped over, making room for me.

  Amy cleared her throat and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

  “Sorry, I’m so late,” I huffed out.

  The casket was a silky black lacquer with gold trimmings and fixtures. White roses sprayed across the top, spilling over the sides. I imagined Erick lying inside and realized the closure I had been eager for had come. I wasn’t ready. I thought about my young children never knowing their father and I broke. He was going down in the ground and all would be done. Death was so final. Though I thought I was ready, I wasn’t.

  The three of us stood in front of the resting place of the man we all thought was our husband. The three of us—each one couldn’t be more different from the other: Blond Becky, Mother Earth, and me—Destiny’s Child. Clearly, we fulfilled a separate need he had. It was all too much.

  My eyes burned with tears when Rose touched my shoulder, pulling me in.

  “I’m going to finish.” Amy read from a withered piece of paper she held between her pale fingertips. “Do not remember me as disaster… nor as the keeper of secrets… I am a fellow rider in the cattle cars… watching you move slowly out of my bed… saying we cannot waste time… only ourselves.” She folded her paper, slipped it into her purse’s front pocket and blew her nose. “Movement Song by Audre Lorde,” she added. “Ricky and I studied her work at Howard.” She picked up a single rose from in front of her and turned back to the casket. “Goodbye, best friend… lover… my family…”

  Rose and I stood quietly for a moment when Amy sniffed, wiped her nose, turned to us, and spoke up again, “Okay, who’s next?”

  Rose turned to me and I simply shook my head.

  “Okay, well… I don’t have anything prepared so I’ll just speak from my heart.”

  A slight breeze brushed my face. It was a gloomy day—not too warm or too cool but definitely gloomy. It was a Wednesday afternoon and it dawned on me I never liked Wednesdays, and this was giving me a new reason to dislike the middle of the week.

  I didn’t know what the three of us were doing there together. At the time I was being invited, I thought it was a good ide
a. I needed closure just as they needed it and I knew I wanted to see Erick buried. So, quickly I agreed to come only to find it all awkward. I wanted to hate them—and it was easy to hate Amy but not so easy with Rose. Yes, we were in the same boat—each wondering how this all happened. But, after this, we would all be at odds again.

  Rose peered at the closed casket and continued, “Rick, what were you thinking?” She exhaled loudly. “Really, how did this happen—how could you do this? Being angry with you would be so easy right now but what good would it do?” She folded her arms across her upper body. “Instead, I’ll simply say that I’m going to miss you and the life we had together… and… I love you. I will always love you.”

  Rose pulled a single stem from the spray resting on his casket and slowly started to openly cry. She held the rose to her nose, wetting it with her tears.

  I felt a knot in my stomach and instantly wished I hadn’t come.

  “Oh, and congratulations. We won top recognition for the American Medical Award. We did it.” Rose spoke to Erick, sniffing and drying her tears. She turned to me again. “Okay, Iris… you have anything you want to say?”

  I made eye contact with her and nodded. Yeah, I have plenty to say. I searched my mind for a starting point, imagining my format the same way I would if I were writing a blog post. A clear beginning, middle, and end. I would start with our love, fill up the middle with how much Erick loved our children, and end with a sad farewell. I hated that I wasn’t prepared.

  I opened my mouth and began, “When…” Tears fell. “I…” I shifted my position, inhaled, and wiped my eyes. “The first time I saw you…”

  I could hear Amy sound off an irritated moan.

  I started again, “The day we married…”

  “Look, if you’re having a hard time, you don’t have to say anything,” Amy interrupted.

  “Just give her a moment,” Rose said to Amy. “Take your time, Iris.”